


Anxious

by OriginofChaos



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:18:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginofChaos/pseuds/OriginofChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone. So this story is partly about me, I guess. I'm suffering from social anxiety disorder. The scene with a quarrel between Ian and Anthony actually happened in my life a few years ago.<br/>I wrote it because I needed to. I'm tired of the fact that no one understands it and thinks that I'm imagining things.<br/>Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote>





	Anxious

“... And now I announce the pairs you'll be working in.”

I froze. There was a chance of me working alone, but it was terribly small. Or should I say there was no chance at all. But I was hoping that...

“Anthony Padilla?”

Oh no.

“You'll be working with Ian Hecox.”

Yeah, perfect. I should work with the noisiest kid in the class.

The empty place near me was instantly occupied. I turned my head only to see smiling Ian. He seemed to be happy for working with me. I was silent, afraid of saying a word.

“Hey, dude,” he said. “I guess, we forced to work together, huh? I'm Ian.”

“A-Anthony,” I managed to squeeze.

“Why are you so nervous? Relax, it's gonna be awesome!”

I smiled weakly and stared at my open notebook. Little did I know that it was the beginning of the greatest friendship of all time.

 

I've always been shy. I wasn't so communicative like other kids, so I didn't have many friends. Or should I say none? Anyway, the things changed when Ian appeared in my life. We became friends pretty soon, although it was him who makes attempts to develop our relationship. Soon after I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. It's not that bad as it sounds, actually. It's bad only for my mind. But I decided not to tell anyone about that. I was glad for having such a good friend like Ian. I wasn't so nervous with him and I felt really comfortable. However, my anxiety didn't help me much, and Ian seemed to be fed up with it. At first he tried not to notice this but soon it was enough for him.

That evening we were at his place as usual. Ian wasn't in the mood since the morning. When he lost another round of a game, he angrily thrown a joystick on the floor and growled something.

“Dude, don't freak out much!” I said surprisingly.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yelled. I was totally shocked and really afraid of him. “What? What? You don't have anything to say, huh? You can only stare at me, that's the way you communicate, right?!”

I was speechless. Everything I could tell could heat anger in him even more. But being silent seemed to be a bad choice either.

“Of course! Why should you speak with your best friend, huh? It's him who should always speak, it's him who should always text or call you, it's him who should come to say hi, but not you, right? Why should you even bother to do all of this, right? You're the king of the world, everyone should do everything for you but not you, right?!”

I felt the same anger that Ian had boiling in my blood. I had enough hearing Ian screaming at me.

“That's because I have SAD, okay?” I snapped. Ian stared at me. “I just _can't_ do that, I want to, but I _can't_!!!”

“I'm sorry, I didn't know that...” he whispered.

“Because I didn't tell that anyone!” I couldn't stop screaming. “Because no one would believe me! Because everyone would be just like you! Because you will never understand that all we have between us is already a miracle for me!”

There was a long silence between us. It seemed to last forever. I didn't dare to look at him. I already felt guilty for screaming at him, I thought that I spoiled all the years of our friendship. Everything I wanted was run away and never come back but I didn't even dare to move. Finally, he spoke.

“I didn't know you had a disorder. You always seem to be so confident, so I was hurt that you don't make first steps... I thought it was only me you treated like that...”

“So... you aren't mad at me?” I asked quietly.

“Why should I? It's not your fault at all.”

I signed with relief and smiled. With a corner of my eye I spotted Ian grinning.

“Here we are! Oh, and... I wanted to ask you about that for a long time but I think it's the perfect moment.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” I giggled.

“No, you moron!” Ian laughed. “I want you to move in with me, so you won't need to make first steps.”

 

We were invited to YouTube party. As always Ian tried his best to persuade me to go and I tried my best to decline the offer.

“Anthony, please!” Ian pleaded. “It's gonna be fun! There'll be girls...”

“There'll be lots of strangers! I don't want to deal with them,” I moaned.

“Come on! You've made a huge progress with your SAD, but you need more! This could help.”

“Or worsen.”

“Please!..” Ian looked at me with his puppy look and this was a moment when I knew I lost the battle.

“Fine! But you will owe me a pizza to compensate a moral damage.”

As I predicted, the party was awful. For me. There were lots of people around me and Ian was immediately lost in the crowd, leaving me all alone. Luckily for me, I found a bar. I ordered a glass of beer and then I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature in the world. I felt my heart explode.

“Hey,” I heard Ian's voice. “What are you staring at?”

“Her...” I pointed at her as discreet as I could.

“Ah, Kalel!” he laughed.

“How? Kalel?” I was surprised. “Like Superman?”

“Yup. So you wanna get closer to her?”

“Yeah, but... You know I can't. I'm terrified and-”

I noticed that he's gone. The realisation hit me and I felt terror. I wanted to disappear. When I was up to run away, I felt Ian's hand on my shoulder.

“And this is my friend, Anthony. Have you met him?” I heard him saying.

“So, Anthony? Right?” the girl smiled at me. “I'm Kalel.”

I looked around to see Ian already disappeared. I swore I'd kill him right after we come back home.

 

“No way, you called me first!” Ian laughed. “It's gonna be apocalypse tomorrow.”

“It's already happened,” I said. “We broke up.”

“Wait, what?!” Ian's intonation became concerned. “How? Why?”

“I-”

“No, wait. I'll come soon.”

That night I didn't say a word. He came as soon as he could and brought a pizza with him like he always did. When I opened my mouth to tell him how everything happened, I started crying. He said that it was okay and I needed to cry. And I cried.

I haven't cried since my grandmother died. Whatever happened in my life, I just locked it up in my brain. So by this time the storage became full and break-up was the last drop. So I cried and cried, until I ran out of tears. Ian was telling me something, but I didn't hear him. I was really glad that he was here, near me, when I needed it. And then I fell asleep, hugging him tightly.

Little did I know that it was beginning of something new between us.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. So this story is partly about me, I guess. I'm suffering from social anxiety disorder. The scene with a quarrel between Ian and Anthony actually happened in my life a few years ago.  
> I wrote it because I needed to. I'm tired of the fact that no one understands it and thinks that I'm imagining things.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
